Some people wonder why they constantly feel bad all day and night but depression is not a character flaw, weakness or something to be ashamed of.

It is a result of how a person views and approaches his life. It usually sets in when he looks at a situation and thinks that it is hopeless and can never change, in other words, it is the feeling of futility. Instead of accepting that it can not change, he resists it and thus, depression sets in when he realises that the bad situation is not changing no matter how hard he is trying to stay strong.

We are creators by nature. When we feel that we can't create personal expansion and can't fulfill our needs and desires, it makes our feel powerless. Depression is when we can't change a situation and meet our needs no matter how much we try. This makes the situation and our efforts futile. Futility and depression are two sides of the same coin.

In essence, life is about relationships with your own self and with other people. We were created to depend on each other for our survival, just like our ancestors thousands of years ago. They depended on each other to hunt for food and to be safe from the elements and wild animals.

This way of life has not changed. Depression is the feeling of futility when the people around you or parts of yourself that you see as "weakness" do not help you to achieve that desire. You feel stuck and your self esteem is affected.

The incapacity to change the situation makes you feel like you are forced to suffer despite your wanting to change it to something better. When you come to the conclusion that there really is no way out, nothing will ever change and the only experience you have left in life is suffering, that is the true meaning of futility.

It is also terrifying when you realise that you can't make others do what is best for you, take your best interest at heart and collaborate with you towards you feeling good in a given situation. This causes anxiety in a person facing the situation or life in general.

But what makes depression feel like depression is when you feel the futility and instead of accepting it, you are resisting it. Part of you does not give up on the situation even though most of you see it as futile. Part of you is still hoping and holding on, you refuse to cut your losses. You are so tied to the image of how things need to be that you won't give up on it. It keeps you exhausted and stuck.

Depressed people have their reasons on why they can't cut their losses. What they need to do is to realise that there is a choice - there is a difference between "I can't" and "I choose not to". When we say "I can't, it really means that it is a lose-lose situation, they don't really have a choice.

You have valid reason to hold on to those feelings but it will keep you feeling powerless forever. It is critical to know what you are attached to and can't let go of by accepting that it won't come to be. What is it that you are afraid of will happen if you let go? You may have a fear that you don't see a future anymore, at least the one that you are hoping for.

Chronic depression is when we want what we want and we don't think it can come any other way. For example, I want love from that one person and everything or everyone else is just a second class substitute. Unless that one person loves me (and most of the time they don't and won't), I won't be happy.

This happens when someone doesn't have experience in getting their needs met in many ways in life. That makes a person committed to trying only one way of meeting their needs which will lead to a dead end in life, i.e. futility. So, when a person tries to make things happen but it doesn't change, they will give up and turn to suppression instead because there is no point in trying anymore.

That is why most depression start in childhood because it is period when you feel helpless to changing any bad situations. Your survival is totally dependent on your parents or the adults in your life.

If the parents aren't willing to cooperate with the child to get what they need and want, that child is powerless and feels that the situation is futile. They are forced to stay in that situation of futility. The child will feel angry and feel like they are betrayed the part of themselves that is suffering because they can't do anything to make things better.

People who suffer from depression forget about free will. They expect themselves to control outside conditions in order to make themselves feel better. And when they can't control the conditions, they feel bad about themselves.

They also resent the people around them who are not using their free will to help them feel better and happy. They painfully wait for the situation to change some day but that waiting gets more painful as time goes on. It gets proven over again how hopeless the situation is.

They also notice that everyone around them is not as unhappy as they are. That makes them feel like there is something seriously wrong with them and makes them isolated from the world.

They may think, "Happiness is working for everyone else. I can't feel good, something is wrong with me".

Ways of overcoming depression

Admitting and recognising that you are facing futility

Facing the situations that are causing the futility

Resolving the situation which means accepting it as it is

Ask yourself- How in my life am i feeling completely futile?

Most of the common strategies suggested is to try to make a situation not futile instead of just accepting it as it is and get the desire met in some other way. The non-acceptance of the futility is the problem. Tell yourself "I choose with my free will to become the opposite part to the one that refuses to accept the futility and cut my losses".

Find different ways to move forward to get those needs and desires met. Do something new. Look for other options. Depressed people get stuck on the what isn't available and isn't happening. Look for a gate that is open.

Depression is all about focusing on what you can't change and refusing to accept that instead of focusing on what can work to fulfill the need. Ask yourself, "If I accept that something I want is never going to happen, what would I do instead?

You must develop safe relationships with other people in your life and with yourself. When you feel a lack of collaboration, you find it hard to create the life you want. It makes you feel powerless and not being safe when you don't have an ally to create a life you desire and need.

You need to find people who understand you. More importantly, you have to stop trying to get people who have no interest in doing this with you to do it with you.

Do the things that you can control in life. Stop focusing on trying to feel better. Focus on the things that already fell empowered and capable, be in situations where your needs will be met. Feel like you are in control to create what you want. Don't do things in the hops that it will make you feel better. It will make you feel futile. Don't do things to feel good. Do them to see that you have personal control to your want and need

You have to be comfortable with painful emotions, you have to face that pain. Remember that there is nothing shameful in depression, it's just a different outlook of life.

Source: Teal Swan- The truth about depression that no one sees

Photo source: Everyday health, CCFC Home